fucked up (sorry for grammar, spelling, English isn't my native language)
37y male with 38y girlfriend. Been together for 15 years, not married but soon will start try for baby, she got her own home with her sisters, but sleep together every night and weekends all day together. I love her, i want to be with her for the rest of my life. Great communication, we got our balance in our relationship through the years and i cant imagine (and dont want) to think myself with anyone else. I have been cheating her since the beginning, when we start dating i was with another GF and was with both of them for 6 monthes, and then i broke and she became my main GF. We have some breaks the next years for couple of months.
And now the HARD PART Since the begging keep dating other women. Most of them was for more than six months. I can count more than 8 different gf's for a long time. 1 of them, a married one, we are together for almost 6 years. 2 of them it was for more than 3 years. another 3 was for more than 1 year, and another 2 or 3 for more than six months. All off them (except 1) was far away, we seen each other 1 per week but most times 3-4 times per year. But with daily communication (skype,msn,sms,FB etc) Also in most cases there was more than 2 at the same time... Also never have one night stand. I also remember that 3-4 of them was allready in another relationship
CLOSE CALLS Some times, forgotten sms, phone calls at time we was together, facebook/skype/msn history. Nothing too obvious or to be proven cause i keep delete everything, but there was close calls. I never speak to anyone about my "second life" none knows (from me) anything. I have never brag about that. The main reason is cause everyone in my life knows my GF, and i don't want to think or feel anything bad about her. (im the asshole, its my problem)
WHY? Main reason cause im an asshole. At the beginning when i was 20+ it was cause "youth". I do it cause i can. But as the time goes i need more of that. All of them fell in love with me, but i always have control about it and love them but not fell in love(crush) with them (cant explain it enough in English, its different words in my language with complete different meaning). I always try and try to fell in love with me, and always manage to get it. I never start to hit on a girl just to fuck her, it was the ful package i want, body/mind/heart. I never hit anyone just cause she got pretty face or nice boobs or great ass. It was the mind i look and love to fuck first. It was and still is the dominion of a woman(not as kinky sex).
I think all of that happen cause low self-esteem or cause my high school sweetheart dump me for her teacher or cause i know my father cheat on my mother when i was kid or cause im just an asshole or just. Im willing to see a therapist in time. Dont know why, but soon i will feel the need to search deeper about that behaviour