I was and addict and alcoholic for 7 years. I met (what I thought) was the most beautiful girl in the world. We hit it off. She turned out to be sober and clean for 3 months at the time (first red flag) but to me it seemed like an eternity. I asked her to help me get clean and sober and she did. I liked her because she was open about and proud about it, and even had a blog about her "recovery journey" (another red flag for those in the sober community)

We were together for a bit, did all sorts of stuff together and I fell in love with her to the point of obsession. I put her on a pedastal. The hormones and neurotransmitters all whacked out from withdrawal and PAWS made my life an emotional rollercoaster for awhile. I gave her so many things, and spent so much time devoting myself to her. Because of my fucked up newly sober head I disregarded everything bad about what she did. She lied to me about a lot, manipulated me into saying or doing things I didn't want/mean. We went on hikes, we went to meetings, we went on trips. We hung out everyday. Regardless, I wanted her to come with me to this place I worked in the summers, where i was pretty high up, I worked there for many years. It was my oasis away from everything else. I loved that place more than anything. I wanted it to be our first sober summer. Like if we were kids once again, not having to worry about getting fucked up. She said she was on board for it. This was my dream job I worked 7 years for this.

We get there and the second she arrives, I bring her to my place on the property. Without hesitation, she wanted to get some beer. I hesitated, but if she went, I told her I would go to. So we did.

Apparently it was all a rouse to get away from her controlling parents and life that made her sober I suppose. She was a narcissist and used people for her own ends (I met the other guys she had fucked up in her life and we all had similar stories). She ended up ignoring me the entire time we were there. Turns out she stopped being sober for awhile, and I didn't know.

Then my best friend died. He overdosed on heroin. That night I needed someone the most. I asked her to come over that night. But she had plans to go drinking in another city that night and well, went there instead. At that point I thought I broke. I tried drinking myself to death. Didn't work but it wasn't it

Few weeks go by, I'm a functioning addict and alcy again. I drive my company quad (This is a recreational park, kind of like a private state park) 55 mph and the wheels locked up and I flipped. I tore all the muscles on the left side of my body, road rash all over, broke a few ribs. That was the most I ever bled in my life. Needless to say I was fired that day. I lost my dream job, my girlfriend was a lie, and my best friend from home was dead. I relapsed after being sober and clean for almost a year. I was broken. And Im not sure if Im still fixed yet. Been a few years but I had a lot to unpack and learn from after the whole ordeal. I am clean again, have been for awhile. But still feel sorta empty.