Well...as they say, when it rains it pours. I blew my back out for the third time in a year and a half since I lost my job way back when. I can't sit for long, I can't stand for long and i cant sleep for long periods. My day is a series of ups and downs...fortunately I am self employed as a result of the last time I hurt my back (realizing I would have trouble finding work given my 'handicap', I decided to find a way). My work is meddling about, I suppose, but it pays the bills and works around my ailments. My dog passed away about a week back...he was an old boy and truly had the best year of his life this year. Fortunately he went quite quick and seemingly without much discomfort. We just celebrated the anniversary of my sisters death, but at least it wasn't ON thanksgiving this yr. I was house sitting and I think I acquired fleas from the one fat cat I was watching...so I spent the weekend with a bad back battling "them" ( fleas are not confirmed, playing it safe) I just met a girl and had to break it off early so as to not hurt her (or give her fleas)....once I opened up my heart a little, I realized I was never healed from previous pains, rather numb and ignorant to their existence( which has been helpful up until this point). It has ben hard to explain to her that i am unble to handle the emotion of a relationship, let alone compose myself in a proper and attentive manner. Whilst i will be ok, i am realizing that i havent been taking great care of myself and tht there has been a sadness about me that I've hidden from myself. Truth be told...I could go for days about my personal issues, but I am alive and my head is somewhat above water (even with a hurt back, you still can float!)

But, you know, despite my current issues and alot of what I have been through in my life, I suppose what really is bumming me out is all the stuff going on in the world these days. The shootings, the terrorist bullshit, the warring countries, the corruption etc. It's not very difficult to feel terribly about the state of things. I guess the hardest pill to swallow is how helpless I tend to feel about these sort of things.

I suppose we all have our issues so I'm trying to stay as positive as possible and do what I can to make the world around me a bit better. The truth is, I find strength in pain....I guess it is important to look these things in the face and accept them as a part of life, and in doing so, you can better plan to cope with these things and whatever else should come up, and have the strength, knowledge and desire to turn these things around.

Lastly, I remember that while I have had it tough, there are people going through a sort of hell I cannot even fathom, and that breaks my heart.

Be strong, love yourself and your neighbor and keep your eye on the sun :) its a crazy life!