this is a challenging issue because consent / intent become pretty fluid concepts when alcohol or drugs are involved, exactly to your point.

non-sober people can't really make informed, rational decisions. the double-standard needs to go out the window, and here's why:

if we can say that a woman cannot consent to sex while inebriated, (i think that needs to not be a blanket statement, and it needs to be approached on a case by case basis), then can't we also say that a woman cannot rape someone while inebriated? you can infer how insane this gets if the genders are reversed.

drugging a person without their knowledge or consent and then having sex with them, having sex with someone who is not conscious, having sex with someone who can't say no and has poor motor control as a result of excessive drinking, all of these are great examples of rape - and specific examples of when a drunk person can't consent. but it also assumes a lot about the situation and context, not all of which are applicable to all situations in which alcohol is involved.

fundamentally, the real problem is how we treat drugs and alcohol. we're still dealing with puritanical ideas about alcohol, and we have an abstinence-only approach to it. there are a whole host of problems around how we as a culture treat alcohol and teach our kids to treat alcohol. there needs to be a middle ground between victim-blaming and deciding that everyone who drinks alcohol is black-out drunk and being taken advantage of. we need better education about responsible drinking habits and making sure we're in safe places with people we can trust (and figuring out who those people are isn't always easy).

sorry, i could rant forever about shit like this.