My husband just died and things got better toward the end, but I cannot continue to deify him all the time. Yes I miss him and he was brilliant, hilarious and talented. But there was a dark side.
Early on in the marriage, When he got really angry,a switch went off in his brain. Called me cunt
Called me stupid
Said go away
Don’t touch me
Said I was just like my mother with Alzheimer’s and I better get checked (this hurt the most)
Punched me in the face causing me a black eye and a dent in my skull. Had to wear makeup to cover black eye at work,had to lie and say I had a trampoline accident.
In the past 10 years the fights were less but he Never took me to restaurants, theaters, weddings, funerals, refused to do any family functions and to have lunch with my Dad who had Parkinson’s. He resented that I had to care for my sick parents. Would not go with me to weddings, funerals, parties, just stayed home.
Sniped at me if I was late coming home from work saying dinner is ruined from waiting too long.
Cared for his material things more than he cared for me. At least it felt like that.
Spent money like crazy on the house, cars,cigarettes. I felt as though I could not spend money because he took control of paying the bills and whatever was leftover. He never saved any money and got angry if I said I did. He always had opinions about who I should buy a gift for. He always wanted the house decorated his way. My art and dollhouse were put in the basement.
Never took his son anywhere. He did love him but just kept him home.
Would not go to the doctor or dentist. I asked him to please go and he never listened to me.
Threatened to burn the house down.
Sprayed me in the face with a hose.
There’s probably more. I have to face what he really was. I got him on medication which helped his moods but he physically declined.
I am grieving him and I know we had great times too believe it or not. He was either very good or very bad. I am left with raising our son, trying to keep the money coming in, and wondering why we couldn’t have been happier.