Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere

My only one positive pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage that may or may not have been a real pregnancy. I was just under the time needing a DNC and so had so suffer it all coming out for a week of pain. I had positive blood tests and everything. I have never been able to get a positive again so far. Was supposed to have my first IUI this week and instead spent time in the ER for dehydration bc u got the flu and strep throat and spent five days throwing up everything. I'm having a real sucky week of total isolation bc I've been contagious. I'm really sad and lonely. I feel you on the one time I was pregnant I lost it, I can't imagine that repeated. Part of me would be happy I at least got past "get pregnant" even if I didn't make it to "birth," but that doesn't result in a baby either. I'm really sorry. Im sorry I've gone on about me too, but here on this subreddit is the only place I can talk, be open and have anyone else who could possibly understand me. I can't get you completely but I can understand enough. I hope we both someday get to have healthy babies. I think talking about our experiences is necessary, we need to acknowledge and process our pain. I hold me breathe reading some posts too, but for me it's the ones that are ambiguous but I feel like their going to announce a positive. I'm surrounded by friends pregnant. I can't hear it anymore... It makes me feel so alone. I hate the pitying gazes and whispers I always feel are about me (they prob aren't), and constantly having so say "no luck again." One thing my miscarriage taught me is that I will never announce until I pass the 13 week Mark. My friends who announce at week two have never had that pain, are not scared it couldn't work out. We know that though, and you're not alone. Let's let it us make us wiser, better empathizers, and not let fear overwhelm us. I keep trying despite fears, And I don't want to give up. I'm so sorry I've rambled... I'm still on meds for days... Take what you will but I wish I could meet you and hug you.

/r/infertility Thread