That feel when I have 300ms reflexes time and with 800 hours I'm still barely LEM and I suck at every multiplayer game I play.

I hate losing so this drives me crazy because I always feel like I'm hitting the wall and no matter what I do I can't get better, also games are THE ONLY THING that I like and I'm not shit at it, but I'm still not good enough. It's like I'm not shit enough to drop games forever but I'm not good enough to be above average. I try to not think about it because every time I do I literally have suicudal thoughts, that's what happens when you suck in everything in life.

I feel like it's parents' and teachers' fault, they always say you can become anyone you want, and that you should put as much time at everything as you can and you will be the best. That's bullshit and those people responsible for my present depression which never goes off. It sometimes hits me stronger, sometimes weaker but anything I do, there is always that thought that I will always suck dick at everything besides complaining. I'm bad at fast paced games, slow paced games, strategic games, action games, math, programming, all sorts of physical sports, languages, speaking, writing, everything.

I have mad respect for Steel, they should play that video in schools so kids would understand early that it's not like everyone have to be THE BEST, and that they should just enjoy life and embrace things they are good at. I tried to learn that but I feel like it's too late, that "competition" way of thinking is rooted in me and I can't get it the fuck out. I can't enjoy playing CS (even that I love this game), I HAVE to win, or I'm just gonna be fucking angry and sad at the same time. This is related to everything I do.

Thanks god for the Internet, where I can find people like me and at least have the feeling that I'm not alone in all this bullshit. I would propably kill myself long ago if it wasn't for Internet communities. It's funny when you think about that, when a nerd playing vidya gaems (sry /u/JoshNissan) can teach you more than about 50 teachers you met in your life all together.

Also this video are doing a great job explaining where the cheaters come from.

Cheaters are people who doesn't meet expectations and they can't deal with it, so they download cheats and win, because it is the only way they can be good at anything. It's because of widespread pressure (you HAVE to be the best, you CAN'T suck at things), they are angry and sad that an other person can be better than them even without putting much time. It's simple as that. People create hate towards people who cheats, like it's their fault they are depressed and it's the only way they can feel good for at least small amount of time.

Personally I didn't cheat for a few years now (I'm 18), but I used to "try" some cheats when I was about 12 (like propably many people did, including present pros). But I can understand why people do that.