I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

It sounds like the trauma is still ongoing, so it makes sense that that would be more difficult to change in it.

I don't think there's any fault in doing what you feel you have to do to survive in the shitty society you are living in.

I'm in the UK and have saw the protests online. It's shocking how badly black people are treated in America and how badly it is handled when the police do terrible things (not that the UK is exempt from racism unfortunately). I empathise with the protesters. They've tried the peaceful route, they're fighting for black people's right to safety and right to live. I don't blame them for turning to riots and fully support them tbh. What's the alternative? I'm glad they are fighting.

I hope the world gets better. I hope some change comes out of this. And I'm sorry. It's really, really shitty.