My ex blamed me for everything too, which is ridiculous. He lives in our condo. With the furniture we picked out, including my awesome discounted solid wood table and really neat book case. He threw them out. Luckily I have both of my cats. Which is good because he abused them. When I was leaving he suddenly acted like he should be able to decide if he wanted the one we got together. When I got her I had made clear she was mine if we were to separate ever.. I got her for my other cat.

He left me after I'd just started to come out of a depression.. understandable one too due to a major health crisis. Was the most emotionally challenging time in my life. And to top it off he said some of the most vile bullshit ever when he left me. I was so 100% into him. He told me I can't handle life. Yet he's never handled anything near what's been thrown at me in my life.

I should have left him a long. long. LONG time ago. But I didn't. And I learned a lot.

Ex and I got back together 6 months after the initial breakup. We had a terrible dysfunctional relationship toward the end. Just got worse and worse. He's so fucking volatile and he completely lacks self awareness. Blames it all on me.

Anyways we got back together, both promising to "make things right". he put me through another 6 month emotional roller coaster and then bailed. He literally put no effort forward to changing anything about himself and blamed it all on me again. He admitted that I'd changed in the ways I said I would but said he can't get over our past.

2.5 months out now. with NO contact this time. He hasn't contacted me. I'm finally feeling what I should be feeling. The reality of the situation. The good memories are fading, and I'm glad. They just don't mean much to me anymore.

Even a week ago I didn't feel this way. The whole first week of this month I think I hit an all time low in my depression. I mean I felt more hopeless than I'd ever felt in my entire life. But I think it's the whole.. things have to get worse before they get better.

Because suddenly I'm standing up for myself. When I think about our arguments, I realize where he's wrong. I stop caring that he see things from my PoV and just don't want anything do with someone who's SO combative. SO everything that he is.

I've reached a neutral state regarding him, with a tinge of "fuck you."

Maybe my threshold for pain is bigger than his. So he backed out when it seemed hard. And I backed out once he hurt me one too many times. And that's a lot of times.

I do not want him anymore.

I'm sure I'll continue to flip flop on this.. I guess. But in general.. I really have come to a turning point. I'm sick of his bullshit. The thought of him coming back... I would never take him back. I never thought I'd get here.