My uncle passed away recently from stage 4 cancer. What’s even sadder for me is that he didn’t know he was sick and even if he did he wouldn’t be able to understand. To describe him I guess you can say he was a little kid in an older gentleman’s body. Loved toys that lit up and made noises like toy trucks, loved woody from toy story and Star Wars. He was diagnosed back in the fall and passed in May. It was all really sudden since he had just been put in hospice not even a month before he passed. We all wanted to be there when he passed since he loved family gatherings with 8 other uncles/aunts. With such a rapid decline the rest of us didn’t make it on time since we all live in separate cities but luckily he passed with my grandma and one of my uncles by his side. Being that me and my mom lived with my grandparents growing up meant I grew up with him also. So I was always around him growing up and now that he’s not with us is hardest for me, my mom, step-dad and grandparents. I’m still having a tough time with grieving mainly because I wasn’t by his side when he passed among other things maybe it’s selfish but I feel guilty. I was out of state for my cousins graduation I knew he wasn’t doing to good before I left but we thought it was just the process of the cancer progressing and we never truly knew the extent of his pain since he couldn’t explain it to us. We thought he would decline slowly since ofc the doctor say 3-6 months so ofc we’re not in that zone yet I thought it hasn’t even been a month we still have time so I thought he would still be there sitting in his normal spot on the couch rocking back and forth playing with his toys but i never knew that that would be the last time I would see him alive. I carry a lot of guilt since I didn’t take an earlier flight I keep telling myself it’s ok but I still wish I flew out the night before he passed before he went unconscious from the pain that he couldn’t understand what was happening to him and why it was happening to him. He was so innocent an Angel really. The hospice nurses say he wasn’t in pain when he passed due to the state he was in prior and I REALLY hope that’s true. I cry a lot still thinking about how he didn’t understand why he couldn’t stop throwing up, why he couldn’t eat anything, why he was in pain. He didn’t deserve any of that. But I do get some relief knowing he’s up there playing w his toys probably eating all the cookies he wants w out my grandma getting mad at him. But yeah I still miss him a lot and I always will. Walking into my grandparents house and not seeing him in his usually spot will never get easier for me.