I appreciate that. I think I am bringing some negative and aggressive energy to it. I will consider that maybe just suggest we just try giver-receiver foreplay. I'll offer to go first as the giver but like, I'm not sure when he'll make time to do his share lol.

We need to just stop if I'm not enjoying it. I don't exactly how to say that though. Like "thanks for this, I really love you a lot...let's stop for now because I'm not feeling into it" - does that seem reasonable?

I think it makes sense to stop if it's become a pattern of me not enjoying it, but that kind of makes me this "judge" and will probably make him feel more pressured. But like I can't go on with the type of sex we have now. And he's not giving me the space to talk about it or be open. It's always me coming to him with the problems.

I don't think he wants me to be unsatisfied. In fact I think it's too painful for him to consider that I'm unsatisfied. Theres a history at the beginning of our relationship where I was still very much in love with my ex and went to go back to my ex, but I changed my mind after and decided to be with him and I haven't swayed since then (almost 4 years ago).

I've also said pretty abusive stuff to him out of anger like he was the worse sex I'd ever had...and I'm sad to say I still somewhat believe that. If he knew that it would crush him. Its not how you talk to somebody. But I've gotten far more positive since then and I'd never say that to him now. He has a right to never forgive me for it. I've asked him if he's punishing me and he says no. But yeah I think a lot of people would break up with someone for saying that stuff.

So I'm not without blame, I have had poor communication and anger. I'm working on it. I just don't want this to be another fight. Theres obviously a lot more here than the IUD.