This will probably be buried, but I don't care.

I was recently diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD. I'm currently in my college undergrad, and the diagnosis has changed my life. From a very young age, I always accelerated in school and was always the quiet kid. Looking back, I was quiet because my lack of attention made social interactions very difficult. I never fit the archetype of the "ADHD Kid" described in this article. In High School, I started to lose momentum in my grades, usually getting A's in standard classes but hardly passed any of the accelerated courses I had taken. But everything worked out, I graduated and went off to college with hopeful ideas to buckle down more than before. As I started taking the niche classes for my major such as honors biology and organic chemistry, no matter how long I studied it seemed I couldn't keep up with my other classmates. Late in the term, out of desperation, I started getting Adderall from a friend. The effects were night and day. A lab report that previously took me six hours only took me two. I ended up going on academic probation that term despite alienating myself from my friends and staying in for hours of fruitless study.

After that term, I shamefully returned back home to see my parents who were supportive despite dropping the ball. It had been in the back of my head that this could have been ADHD, but I never wanted to make an excuse for my failures. I eventually confided in my father that I thought this could be a possibility, explaining my lack of focus and attention to detail despite my attempts at self-control. Strangely, he said he had felt the same way most of his life, confessing that he had never been a great student in high school or college, something I had never expected from the hard working inventive man I had looked up to. We decided to make an appointment to see our family doctor while keeping it a secret from my mother who had always expressed a stigma toward the disorder.

I was very nervous when I went to the Doctor's Office. My family had been seeing him since I was born, and I saw him as a very admirable philanthropic person. If I was wrong about this diagnosis, I didn't want to look like a lazy kid looking for an excuse for his shortcomings. When I sat down in his office and stuttered out that I think I might be dealing with ADHD, he was not very receptive. He claimed that I had appeared to have always done well in school and that one term wasn't enough to define a diagnosis. I tried to explain that despite my parents bragging over the years, I was unable to keep up with my accelerated classes. He then went on to rant about his son in college and how his son complains about other kids cheating by using drugs like Adderall. I felt a pit in my stomach. And the nail in the coffin was that he described how Adderall and Meth were practically the same drug. As an ochem student I knew this was a fat lie. Afterward, he gave me a reference to a pediatrician psychiatrist, who I couldn't see anyway. I felt angry that a professional who I had trusted all my life had lied to my face, but most of all I felt guilty for bringing up I might have this problem.

So I went back to school, unable to continue my previous course track. I took some moderately easy courses to fill my general requirements to get by. But as I thought about it more and more, I decided I needed to find a psychologist and get tested. After waiting a couple months, I finally did. After hours of tests, the new doctor explained to me that I had unique cognitive profile found in less that 1% of people diagnosed with ADHD. He told me that I had never raised any flags for ADHD because my cognitive strengths made up for my lack of working memory and processing speed. He told me I was a smart kid, but I had never felt this way. I was just struggling to get by.

After the diagnosis, it was like I could finally see myself for the first time. I looked back at my life and everything made sense. I was able to have clear thoughts, feel passionate about things and get my work done in time to have a social life. My friends never fully understood that I had a problem and even at times joked that they probably have ADHD too. My girlfriend at the time, who I shared everything with, told me I was blaming too much on my disability and that I should just work harder and stop talking about it. This sentiment still pained me with guilt. We eventually broke up, probably because I was finally able to think clearly about my problems.

I wish people wouldn't write stupid shit like this article. If I wasn't too afraid to pursue my diagnosis because people think ADHD is being overly diagnosed to misbehaving kids, my life would have been on track years ago. I hope someone out there reads this who feels the same way and finds the help they need. There are so many people I see and recognize the inattentive mannerisms I see in myself, but I am too afraid to ask if they have ever thought it a possibility. Looking back, knowing what I know now, I can't believe I waited this long and that I was ever unsure I had a problem. My father is in his late 50s and he got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD last week. It's never too late.

I could have spent this time writing an actual essay... shit.