I am really sorry your friend lost his battle.

This is a really hard question to answer and i can only speak for myself.

For me it was like a fog of despair around me, couldn't see past it or rationalise with it. I really, really, really hated myself, didn't feel worthy of living, i felt life enjoyed torturing and no matter what i did, it was wrong. I lost all hope and i had no fight in me. Once the idea sets in your mind it kind of make you focus on it and your pain. It really doesn't matter other might say, you have to need the grain of hope which can only come from inside amd for me it was that look on that mans face, first of horror as to what he was about to see and then then relief on his face when he stopped me. His kindness basically has kept me going, i kind of felt i owed it to him and it restored a little hope in humans. After that moment, lowest point in my life, i sought out help from professionals, drs, internet forums, charities that specialised in the shit i had experienced, set myself little targets, slowly building my life up, i had good days and bads.

For me personally i couldn't talk to family or friends about it, for fear of letting them down, burdening them or 'going on about it'. i was/am incredibly good at hiding my feelings amd for me the resolutions could only come from me from a better understanding of people. I was relatively young, i tried 3 times between the ages 16-18. I found it easier to talk to strangers and i am definitely a persom that needs to 'talk it out'