If you don't mind me asking, how are you a blue belt if you "suck horribly"? That, along with details gleaned from your other posts (being taught x-guard before a basic side mount escape, people drilling rarely or not at all, etc), leads me to question the legitimacy of your gym. Maybe you should try going somewhere else?

You also have to address a very real possibility, however. Not everyone is meant for jiu jitsu. If you lack patience, discipline, humility, and countless other virtues essential to the sport, then you have to go out of your way to acquire those attributes.

Jiu jitsu is an immense tool for building those traits, but without a good foundation, you can find yourself floundering-- as may be the case here. BJJ may not be the answer you're looking for in your quest for self-improvement, at least not in your current state. I don't personally know you, so it's not at all up to me to judge you or try to tell you what to do... but there are many different hobbies, interests, and pursuits that will help you become the person you want to be. If BJJ isn't working, try something else. It can be physical, like long-distance running, or something intellectually stimulating, like studying philosophy or experimenting with different art forms.

Also, as a side-note related to your post.. I too have the same experience with taking a break, and coming back feeling sharper than ever. Too much time off will make you rusty, but just a little bit allows you to rest, recover, and re-focus, intead of over-training and only succeeding in driving yourself into the ground. Plus, I generally find that taking time off helps me discard all the 'junk' accumulated while training: poor habits that had built up, damage done to your mentality, etc.

You get to come back and find yourself only doing things that you were actually taught, and performing techniques with increased clarity and precision. You re-focus on the ideal performance of a move, and leave behind all the junk and quirks built up in your first attempts to learn that move. A good goal while learning jiu jitsu should be to strive for perfection-- nobody will ever expect you to perform a move perfectly on your first try, but in learning that move, don't take any short cuts. Focus on performing every single step as accurately as possible, don't try to muscle through your mistakes, and so on... in short, try to perform every move as though you are hitting it in a live competition, against the best grappler in the world. Afterall, that's who you should be training to hit it on, right?

Anyways, I probably toward a bit towards the end there, butttt I don't really feel like going back and getting sucked into revising my entire post. Once I start, I just can't stop, yknow :P