You posted this 22 days ago, and I know this is weird, but it's 4 AM and I'm lurking and I somehow came upon your username and this post and. I don't know. I feel you.
I'm doing good. I'm healthy. My friends and family are healthy. I'm unemployed right now and trying to focus on school. I basically flunked out for 2 years and now I'm trying to fix it all. It's hard seeing my friends move on with their lives. I have no idea what career I want to go into. I struggle with making decisions. My relationship with my boyfriend is kind of rocky right now. A year ago an uninsured driver hit my car and destroyed it. I bought 2 shitty cars after that and each one had the engine fail. I put a brand new engine into the 2nd car, put way more money into it than the car was worth, and then a few weeks ago a woman ran a red light and totaled my car again. No witnesses, no cameras. Just my word against hers. Insurance ruled it a "no fault". I get no money and I have no car. Again.
I can't find a job because I don't have transportation. I'm stuck at home and I've gotten into the habit of sleeping all day and only waking up for classes. I'm always exhausted.
I don't know why I did this. I just wanted to talk. I'm struggling a lot but I'm not feeling very negative or sad. If anything I'm feeling a little numb and just extremely tired and exhausted by the IDEA of the work I'm going to have to do to fix my life and reach my goals. I just don't want to bother sometimes, but I also don't want to move back in with my parents at 24 with no goals or whatever.
I don't know. I'll be done rambling now. I guess I just wanted to get that all off of my chest and let you know that I understand the anxiety and the feeling of it spiraling and growing out of your control. That's why I sleep a lot, to be honest, is to NOT have to think about these thoughts.
One of the things I do on a daily basis is just try to be thankful and grateful and see my life through some rosier colored glasses. I try to imagine all of the people who would read this and glare at me because I have my health, the health of my friends and family, access to and education and hospitals and the ability to go out drinking with friends every once in a while, etc.
Nothing lasts. They say "it gets better" so I'm waiting patiently.