Yes it was shitty. You did a bad thing. But not nearly bad enough to make you irredeemable, or an awful person. Stop trying to make it right. What happened was wrong and you can’t change that. The best you can do for her now is to leave her alone. Don’t apologize again.

Accept that you did harm, and don’t try to justify it or tell yourself that you didn’t. That is noble. But we have all done harm and this is not big enough to define you. If this makes you a monster then we would all be monsters. You’re not awful. It’s fine for you to move on. You should move on. Just take the lesson with you. You can still be a wonderful person.

It’s good that you tell your therapist so that you can get help dealing with all these feelings. She will not judge you. You’re not bad.