Stuff at school has me spiiiiraling the fuck out. I've been going the extra mile all semester to be helpful and reliable and inclusive and active with the entire class. I wasn't really doing this for any reason except to foster a positive atmosphere, but when people started suggesting a leadership role I did get excited about it. It seemed like they thought I was the obvious choice... THEN some other student started campaigning for himself out of nowhere and I'm caught between major annoyance and not even being sure if I want to do this at all. I'm not competitive enough to try to sell myself to everyone, but at the same time I feel like my past actions should speak for themselves. I also shouldn't be annoyed at all that someone is competing for it but competition has just always been super triggering for me. It makes me want to just crawl into a hole and hate myself for not being the best.. and then guess what that self-hatred leads to?

ANYWAYS, I'm getting waaay too worked up about it for no reason and I need to chill the fuck out but it's really hard for me these days! I don't know what to do with all this anxious energy because it's too cold outside to run and my gym is still closed. UgGGhHHH