This makes me so sad. I finally got down to 145, and now I'm back up to 160 again as of yesterday. I hate calorie counting. Hate it. It makes me miserable and nervous and obsessive. But I also just can't keep my calorie count low enough to maintain a normal BMI. Ugh. I hate being short. All my friends are 5'11"and my weight and completely normal.

I always manage to eat about 1800 calories a day if I don't count. It sucks so much because I only should be eating 1500, but that 300 calories I just can't seem to lose. Also, it isn't like I eat an unhealthy diet. Blueberries in oatmeal in the morning (400), coffee with milk (40), salad for lunch (450), chicken/fish plus green beans plus wild rice (800), chocolate piece for dessert (100). Every time I restrict, I just drop all vegetables and fruit because I hate those things. I'm autistic and vegetable and fruit textures are the worst for me. I constantly choke or gag on them, so if I'm going to drop any calories, those are always the first to go, which means I eat a much unhealthier diet within my calorie count or I eat too much and consume healthier options. It just feels hopeless.

Sorry that was a long rant.