I know that this is not really going to end up being incredibly useful to you right away, but I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I used to feel the same way. Thankfully I was able to gather up enough courage to get some therapy and medication. Several doctors and several medical regimens later I can honestly say that while depression, anxiety, and to some extent loneliness will always be be part of my life. I will have to take medication, I will have to control my diet and exercise. Depression is a mental illness and one of the hardest things for me to deal with, what made it so hard for me to treat was the fact that the disease tricks you. Depression kills your self esteem and robs you any kind of hope, for me it felt like I deserved to suffer and that was fine because nothing was going to make it go away anyways. I want to tell you that it isn't necessarily true. Things are soooo much better now, not just for me but for so many people out there. I don't know why but you don't hear many mental health success stories, I think it is a big disservice to the people like you who are struggling.

I'm sorry to hear that things are going so poorly for you but I'd just like to let you know that it won't always be this way. It's my understanding that the communities over at /r/depression and /r/eood are very supportive places and a great way to start making some headway. If you are already seeking help and are on your journey to better mental health I think that it is important to keep in mind that well being is a slippery bastard. It took me three years and several starts/regressions till I got to the place where I am today, so if things get hard and you fall off the wagon that's ok too. Just make sure to get back to it when you have the energy, you're playing the long game ok? If you have any questions feel free to shoot me a PM. I don't have all the answers by any means but I can lend a sympathetic ear.