I've only shared this feeling with one other person, and it's a girl that I've never even met, I just know her online. I guess it's easier to share that way. But anyway, I am an 11th grader as of right now, and 2 years back I was bullied by some asshole. It wasn't anything insane, it was your average bullying, but it made me feel like shit every day. I had known this guy since 7th grade and we got along at first and things began to fall apart. We just didn't mix well. We argued all the time and he eventually became more and more troublesome with how he reacted to our arguments. I remember at one point he told my crush I liked her when I didn't want him to do that(back then I told people who I liked too loosely. I was a fucking idiot). I forgave him eventually and we made up, and I forget how, but we eventually reached a point where we both just had enough of each other and we pretty much gave each other the finger(metaphorically). Flash forward to 9th grade and I'm walking in the hallway one day and he pushes me. I got kinda pissed off but it was just once so I was willing to look past it. Back in 9th grade I was a bit of a pussy and avoided any sort of confrontation with anyone when possible so I didn't say anything to him. A day later he pushed me again. I began to become worried and hoped he wouldn't continue doing this. He kept doing it over and over for the entire fucking year, nearly every single day. If it weren't for him I would have had a great year. Everything else was great about it except him. He fucking ruined it. My one other "friend" didn't even do anything. He watched me get bullied and didn't make a comment ever to my bully. I even told him to help me a couple times when we were alone and he said he would, but every time I got pushed again he wouldn't do anything. He continued talking to my bully and considered him a friend when I was going through major mental agony. What a cunt. After about 2 weeks of pushing I became very reluctant to go to school and wanted to just stay home and cry. Every time he pushed me I tried to ignore him but he wouldn't stop. I eventually told the principal and he got talked to. He continued and called me a pussy for reporting him. I reported him 6 more times to the principal until he finally got suspended for 2 fucking days. 2 days, that's it. Then when he came back guess what he did? He pushed me again. At this point it was the last few days of school so I didn't bother reporting him. Too stressful. On the last day of school I remember eating with my "friend"(the one who watched me get bullied) and he came and sat down with us and started insulting me. I smiled and was thinking about how much I wanted to kill his ass and make him suffer. I think he got scared off by that and stopped. Hopefully he realized I was reaching my limit and was starting to have disturbing thoughts about him. Or at least I think he realized...idek. He was a persistent little fucker who wouldn't stop unless you punched him. I didn't want to fuck my future over tho and managed to control myself, but the whole time I secretly wanted to kill him. I'm not just saying that, like I actually wanted to brutally butcher him to pieces and bash his fucking head in. He made me feel weak and like shit every day. I loathed myself for not having the courage to fight him. Most would probably say that it's good I didn't fight him, but to this day I still wished that I smashed his head against a wall. I see him in the hallways every day still but he stopped pushing me. I feel less anger now when I see him but I still hope that he dies in the worst way possible. He is still a scumbag and I know he hasn't changed based off what I hear him saying in the hallway. This whole situation really changed me as a person. I became a lot more pessimisstic and other stuff as well. One good thing that came out of it is that I stand up for myself more now. I still tend to try to avoid conflict, but if someone is being a dick to me on purpose, I'm not gonna take their shit anymore. The guy who watched me get bullied still talks to me. Due to certain reasons I can't really get away from him. We are on speaking terms but clearly don't like each other too much. Once I graduate in about a year and 2 months I'm gonna stop talking to him. To this day I still hate him for doing nothing. He isn't a true friend. Fuck him. Also forgot to add that he turned my friends against me. They eventually realized that it wasn't my fault and we all made up but it fucked with our relations for about a year and I was rather lonely.