Hey. I went through something with my wife just before marriage. She cheated on me and didn't tell me for months. We worked it out and are stronger than ever. Better communication and trust as a result. Was a rough few weeks when I found out but it's not the end of the marriage.

Communication is the issue. Why did he not come to you for sex or talk about his desires feelings. Why have you not taken this stress off your shoulders and him fearing you might find out? There's a break down in talking with each other and addressing elephants in the room.

Don't let the puritan sex culture and monogamous is the only way get in the way of your feelings. Sex with someone just for sexual gratification is just that. Sex with someone you love and intimate with îs much more special and something nobody else will feel with either of you. The fact that he broke the trust and can't talk with you is the problem and what is the real pain. Don't think he's defiled cause someone else had him. Maybe girls before you had had sex with him. Virgin purity was just a male oppression of women/sometimes reversed.

Communication is the heart of the issue. See if you can sit down and have a long talk. Find out why he did it. What he feels about it. Does he want more girls or that girl but feels like he can't leave you only because he is married to you or cause of the baby. Or maybe it was him just needing to de stress and thought maybe a new girl would fix him. Or best case complete remorse.

It will be tough for a few weeks but if you both love each other and are serious, you will come out with an even better and happier marriage. You guys decide what you guys want, what will work and make you happy or marriage work. Don't worry about anyone else's opinions or if you think you are humiliated as a result. That isn't important and just people trying to control you.

Hope this helps and if you need to talk more, I'll listen.

-John