3. What do you feel like you're missing out on?

What do you feel like you're missing out on?

The whole topic of sex reinforces this feeling that as far as the measure of people go, I am less than zero. Then people say it's easy. If it's that easy and I've never so much as had a conversation with a girl, it's basically utterly hopeless. Then people say it's not so great, but I bet they haven't gone their entire adult lives watching from a distance wondering what it's like but never ever getting any closer to a girl than 10 feet. Then they say fake it, which when you're so far gone as I am, faking as much as a smile feels like dragging 300 pounds of dead weight up Mount Everest. The awareness, thought, and knowledge that there are people who do not know this suffering makes life itself feel like a cruel joke.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually committed suicide one of those times I was close to the edge when I was young, and now all the horrible memories of life since then are just what happens to you when you go to hell for committing suicide. I don't believe in that religious stuff any more, but the evidence is all around me. Life is hell.

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