So much wrong here. Pretty ridiculous, honestly. Here's a selection:

Nobody can fucking talk to anybody, so it's like they are not even there

You don't talk with people, you dance with them. It's like they're right there. And you're dancing with them. You are, in fact, interacting directly with them.

They are literally meant for meeting sexual partners.

They're a really terrible place to meet a sexual partner. If you go a club looking to pick up chicks, you're going to a) be that shitty guy that literally everyone else hates while he dances up on chicks like a rapist and b) come away with, at best, someone who is such a total train wreck that they'd actually go for that shit. A very small percentage of people go to clubs thinking they'll get laid. Bars are a much better venue for that.

and guys don't go to dance, simple as that

I'm a guy, I go to dance. You're projecting your own dislike for the environment and the activity on everyone else. Lots and lots and lots of guys like dancing. I know, it's crazy, we're not all boorish idiots from Bud Light commercials who just man stuff like football and pubs.

because they wanna go with the sole purpose to get chicks.

Your friends are the skeevy assholes who lurk around the dance floor in a little circle of timidly dancing guys, thinking somehow their very presence is going to lure the pussy right onto their dick. Nobody likes your friends. You're right to think that their approach to clubbing is stupid.

I have literally never gone to a club and gotten laid as a result (girlfriends aside).

They even charge, so why would you prefer to go somewhere where you gotta pay to enter.

They charge because it keeps the riff-raff out. Go to a cover-free club sometime. It's like 90% sexual predators. Charging is a barrier to entry for the people like, well, like your friends.

Here's the bottom line: you don't like clubs because you don't like the things that people do at clubs, i.e. listening to super loud music and dancing with your friends/significant others. If you let your friends drag you along to a place where people do stuff you hate, of course you're going to have a bad time. Doubly so if your friends are approaching it like a bunch of idiots who are just trying to get their dick wet, because that's a surefire way to have a depressing night of being told to fuck off by every stranger you impose yourself on.

I don't like death metal, so I don't go to death metal shows. If my friends invited me, I'd decline. Not my scene. You don't like dancing, but you let your creepy friends drag you along to a club. I mean, what are you expecting?