I'm going to use this oportunity to complain about the things I would change about askwomen to improve it, specifically in regards to our gender slur policy and some of our users.
I get so frustrated with the way some of our users don't seem to understand moderation. A lot of times we see messages like "ITS RIDICULOUS YOU'RE OFFENDED I CALLED MYSELF A BITCH!" I just want to shake them.
1) I don't think I've ever heard anyone on the mod team say "I'm offended" to the use of gendered slurs. We use them frequently when discussing matters off board with each other, and I personally use them nearly every day in the real world.
2) No respectable forum of discussion in the real world would tolerate that. I would never say "so and so was bitching about how greg was being a total dick to her the other day" during a business meeting. And yes, I realize this is online, but this is specifically a forum that deals with gender and just a few months ago 66% of our users said, they find our moderation on gendered slurs to either be perfect or needs to be stricter. Frankly, I'd rather have those posters than anyone incapable of expressing their opinion without violating one of our most clearly defined rules.
3) As you said, the terms are not allowed because they're gendered, not because they're insulting. When you say you were acting like a "dick", you're saying they're acting like male genitalia. The issue is the implication male genitalia is bad, not that that it was an insult
4) When we remove a post for violating our gendered slur policy, 99% of the time it's not a big deal. It got caught in our filter, and a mod clicked a few buttons and asked for the phrase to be altered. It doesn't mean we think you are a horrible person, just that you let some casual language slip. But when people fight tooth and nail for the right to say these words, that's when I kind of start to get annoyed because I just don't understand why it's so important, especially since they so rarely add value to the conversation.
Anyways, /rant over.