They travel for long amounts of time (2+ weeks) at different intervals, for example we'll have a stretch of 2-3 months when he has lots of long trips, then 2-3 months where he's home more often. During those stretches when he's gone, I take OTC stimulants for work (an ephedrine equivalent), smoke and drink a lot more (cause the stims, to calm down/sleep). They're not aware of any of these bad habits, health is VERY important to them. They get upset if I drink too much coffee.

I told myself we'd quit when we moved in together but it just lessened. We're planning on having kids. I can't have kids while doing that stuff. I know I can go without, but it's like a guilty pleasure. I don't like doing it all the time, but every once awhile, it hits the spot. He's found my stash of cigarettes/alcohol before, in front of me actually, but didn't say anything (he's a nondrinker). Didn't even ask, in fact playfully made fun of me for it. However, it still feels like lying. I'd always choose our relationship before those habits. But it also feels like...ordering take out if they're gone. Maybe I'm just minimalizing.