This was only last year. Wife and I got invited to a surprise party.

We got a ride there - it was way out of our way in one of the worst towns in our area. I had a bad feeling but wanted to be optimistic. My wife and I are simple folk. We hardly drink nowdays and we sure as hell don't do any drugs. We got two kids. Decent jobs.

So anyway, we end up in this crack house.

This is like something out of the movies. All the light bulbs in the house are colored. The doors have all been duct taped open. The curtains have molded and have grafted into the window sills. People are drinking and doing hard drugs all around us - we got the whole tour. I saw everything.

We were sat on this sofa in the kitchen and my wife had started drinking to calm her nerves. She started chatting with this nice guy as he casually lights up a fat one. He really helped us mellow because we were freaking out. We couldn't just walk out - not in that neighborhood. I think he could tell we were not 'one of them'.

We felt trapped and all I could think was : "In a minute, the doors are going to come down, the police are going to bust us and all of this and we'll be done for." I kept thinking of my kids and thinking of my job and my wife. Everyone was looking at my wife. Goddamnit though, she is hot. I can't even begin to imagine how the drugs would have been amplifying her hotness aura.

She started having fun because she was getting tipsy - I was cool with her not freaking out. But I had to keep a level head. I know I've made this sound like fun but it was dangerous. People were out of their minds. Somebody started a fire out the back and that's when I knew we had to go before someone called the police.

I had to find some quiet to dial a taxi to get us the hell out of there so I got the nice guy and entrusted him to look after my wife. I went out into the stairwell where I could still see her and called a taxi. Even the guy on the phone was like "I'm not going down that road. You'll have to go to the shop to get picked up."

When I got back my wife was well away. She was having too much fun and didn't want to leave. It was then I really started to panic. The kitchen was now a hotbox and a crack pipe came out into the mix. Being stuck there, being afraid and concerned and now being the only one wise enough to know to get the fuck out of there really scared me.

I dragged my wife out, and dragged her out of the neighborhood. We found the taxi thank fuck and got home. She thanked me in the end.

I'm not doing that shit again.