My childhood has definitely had a profound influence on what my life is today, and of course I would have changed aspects of it however some of them are simply unchangeable. If they could be changed I guess I would request for non-BPD genes and a not-so-shitty dad, but I do realize my life hasn't been as terrible as some of the other users'.
My mother is uBPD -her and my biological father divorced when I was very young due to his drug addiction and constant infidelity. Because my mum had to basically restart her life, she was constantly traveling and working to provide and I was raised by my grandfather for most of my younger years. I would visit my biological dad every summer (he didn't live in England, my home country) but he was usually too busy partying and cheating on his new wife to see me so I still spent the vast majority of those summers with my grandfather who would take me on the trips. During that span I also dealt with one of my mum's pretty shitty boyfriends who was abusive to her and I still have a hard time even remembering some aspects of that time period because I truly believe my brain has blocked a lot of the memories. They are fuzzy and I do not intend to try and remember them. His kids bullied me and I remember feeling very sad when my mum wouldn't listen to my complaints -that was when I remember recognizing the constant emotional invalidation. I stopped seeing my biological father when I was nine, and when I was ten my family decided to move to the United States. For at least 6-8 months I was pretty much isolated. I couldn't attend school during that time as paperwork was all being sorted and I just remember being very lonely and misunderstood. I missed my grandad and nana who were such imwanted friends really badly but everyone perceived me as "the English girl" and I never felt like I truly belonged. There was a culture shock and I believe it has definitely influenced my BPD and my horrible splitting tendencies. I still struggle with it - it's always "them" vs "me". While I do love my parents (mum and step-father) to pieces, I have recognized over the years that they consistently invalidate and mock any sort of feelings my brother and I have. They are my biggest triggers and I now avoid spending too much time with them which does break my heart. As for my biological dad, I decided to see him a few years ago after ten years of no contact. It felt alien. I disassociated and it's put a lot of pressure on me. I haven't had a proper conversation with him since but I intend to cut all ties the next time we speak.