Hospital security - I have many gross stories...
But this guy...
He was a BIG guy, dysregulated, assaultive - and care-workers brought him into hospital as the home was short-staffed during COVID. Non-verbal, but apparently used sign language to indicate when he needed the washroom.
After the absolute rodeo that was getting him into the room, workers were able to placate him from banging his head by giving him McDonalds. And three bags of chips. And two bottles of pop. And a Coffee Crisp.
Me and my buddy were fairly placated too. Thought, "Gee, let's cover each other off for our breaks. The room's locked, he's settled, we'll radio if needed."
I got sent first, and as I walked by the room, I remember thinking, I don't think he's been to the bathroom in three hours.
My ass hits the chair in the office. Buddy's over the radio at that exact moment. "Uh... I need back-up here... Probably everyone who's on the floor, actually."
I head back to Emerg. The smell hits me metres before the door. Scan proxy. The door opens. It's a pyroclastic cloud of hot diarrhea and SunChips. The air is thick.
Buddy is gowning up, along with three nurses, and three cleaning staff. Care-worker looks at me and says, "He went to the bathroom in there. He didn't make a sign to tell us."
No shit, eh?
But all the shit, actually. I glance in the room. I've never seen so much poo. It was covering the floor and up the walls almost six feet. Patient is having the time of his life - giggling like a little kid while doing fecal snow-angels.
Me and four of my teammates are now gowned up. Triple-masked and triple-gloved and wearing little bags on our duty boots. We enter first to restrain the patient. He almost army crawls away from us. He's a slippery bugger - literally.
With the patient held firmly down, the scrubbing begins. Cleaners are scrubbing the room. Nurses are scrubbing the patient. He laughs because it tickles. As we flip him over, I wonder if I should ask for a raise.
Patient clean, room clean - we clear. Doff our shit-gowns and take turns at the sink before sharing multi-department fist bumps. Patient is smiling at us through the window, whooping happily and making the sign for "play".
My team goes in for our second day shift. We find out he'd had to stay the night.
Right around lunch time, he did it again.