I found this comment on a youtube video and it rings very true for me:

I think a large issue with my depression (which I still struggle with) is that I think of my depression as a result of an elucidation so in not being depressed I find myself thinking that I am losing grip on "the truth". This means that any time I find myself feeling happy I become immediately introspective which not only makes me incredibly self-conscious (resulting in my anxiety) but also causes me to retreat into introversion, isolating me from those around me. This makes happiness for me often very self defeating, any time I am happy I become unhappy as a result of my thinking that depression puts me into a hyper-lucid state and my strong will to be open to the truth means that there is basically no time in which I can actually escape from depression. I think of any joy as nihilism and not wanting to be "blind" I avoid it like the plague. I basically thought that any action that was societally or spiritually purposeless was indulgent and grew disgusted with those who took part in them, the irony being that I took part in most of them myself but because I was aware of my own perceived degeneracy I thought of myself as some sort of sleeper übermensch waiting for my chance to awaken and prove myself as some sort of 21's century Friedrich Nietzsche.

My remedy for this has been doing stuff. Meaningful stuff. I have thought of things that I want to do in my life and essentially just tried to do what I can to achieve them. It is something that took me years but I have found certain paths that I found myself to walking down that weren't really planned. I had always seen that as a negative but I have actually found it rather freeing because it means that I don't really have to worry about them any more. What I was worried about was my employment after high school but I have recently had that issue solved in that I found a job as a IT technician and while it isn't really the most elaborate job of all time it is something that I am able to put up with and it pays well enough, £18,000, ($25,000) and gives me reasonable hours (9-5, mon-fri) for me to accept that for the next few years, let's just do that. Far better than the NEET I thought I was going to become three months ago, and £18,000 at age 17 isn't too shabby. Succeeding in something was a huge positive because it gave me a tangible one up on others which while it might seem egotistical, as a depressed anxiety ridden loser I really needed it. "Sure, they might think I'm a loser but I'm earning more money than them and I have a better plan so who's gives a shit", and stuff to that effect which while I don't really take it to heart, it is a nice reassurance that perhaps the path I am going down could be worse.

To those reading this while battling depression, just wait it out. Grab a book to read, light some candles, put on some music and smell the roses because while there may be nothing truly meaningful out there you can still enjoy the meaningless and perhaps one day what you saw in your reconnaissance mission into the void will be useful in some way. It's a bit like trying to get to sleep, if you think about trying to get to sleep you will lay awake all night but if you let your mind wander eventually you'll drift off. You can and always will still see the same truths you saw before but every now and then you should let yourself look away because it might just save your life.