I had a very abusive childhood. Neglect, beatings, multiple sexual abuse cases (not from my birth-givers but they enabled them). Many fucked up things I will never forgive nor forget.

But for some reason, this sticks out so vividly, as petty as it is. In case any one recognises it, pretty sure I've told this on reddit before.

Once I was sleeping at my grandparents place over Xmas holidays. I was around 5 years old. I woke up late at night and found I could not see. Seriously, I felt my way around the room, I flicked multiple light swtiches on and off, I touched my eyes, I opened the fridge (room was ajacent to the kitchen) and tried to see the stars/moonlight by pressing my face to the window. Nothing. I crawled back into bed and cried myself to sleep. I thought I was dying.

I woke up with my normal vision back. I ran out of bed to tell my parents, they were seated around the kitchen table with my grandmother, smoking and having coffee. My mother, father and grandmother all, for some goddamn unknown reason, every time I said 'last night' when I tried to tell the story, kept correcting me and saying 'this morning'. I said 'no, last night I' and my mother and grandmother shreiked 'this morning!'

I got angry. I started to cry again because I was frustrated they wouldnt listen to me and they laughed at made fun of me. I never ended up telling them the story.

I dont know why, but it perfectly encapsulates the way my opinions and feelings didnt matter. That I was just a freak show there for their amusement and even my sincere terror at what was very frightening for a 5 year old was just hilarious.

What if I was trying to tell them I'd been bitten by a snake (this is Queensland Australia after all!) or that someone had broken in? What if I'd had been saying I vomited blood or shat out my liver? Nope, they were too concerned with mocking me because they thought I was confusing night with morning.

As for the darkness, I've come to believe as my grandparents lived VERY rurally (no streetlights) and their house ran on a generator, they might have turned off the power at night and I was experiencing total darnkess for the first time. I assume my eyes simply didn't adjust and I was too terrorfied to make sense of it.

Still, cunts could have let me explain.