3. What's your experience with generational pain?

What's your experience with generational pain?

my mom had a hard time growing up. her family had very little money, and her father gambled away anything they did have. she had 4 brothers and grew up being forced to conform to traditional gender roles. so she ended up being left out a lot. in turn she had to work really hard to go to college etc, and she had little to no support from her family. it worked out well for her. but she does this thing with us now where she will literally refuse to help us so that we can "figure it out on our own" because thats what she had to do.

i think sometimes learning things on your own can be extremely valuable... but sometimes its also nice to just receive help from others with more experience. my SO and i bought a house a year ago and she offered zero support. we moved a lot as kids so my parents have had to do the whole house buying thing many times... so you'd think she'd be a fountain of advice to keep us from making any kind of rookie mistake, but no. she refused to offer advice with any questions we had like, how to find a good lawyer, how to find a good home inspector. the home inspection results we were not sure on... thank fully my dad was of a lot more help to us, but sometimes its hard to get him to go over my mom's head and offer advice on things she believes we need to figure out on our own.

as a kid she would purposely get me into a new or difficult situation, and then disappear to let me figure out how to deal with it on my own. i remember when i was kid she took me to the bank to set up my first bank account i don't remember how old i was, but i was young. she booked the appointment and took me over there because she had to be there to authorize my account, but she REFUSED to talk to the banker and instead stood there silently as i awkwardly realized she wasn't going to help me do this and i tried to explain to the banker that my mom brought me here to open up a bank account for myself... i had no idea what type of account, or anything about money, or where to start, or how to answer half of the questions they asked. and when i started crying from the stress/pressure she scolded me, finished setting up the account for me, and on the drive home lectured me about how she can't do EVERYTHING for me

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