(Thank you for creating this thread, which prompted, well, the following rant. This is long, and it's the most personal thing I've expressed in writing in maybe a decade. But...it came out. And it was absolutely therapeutic.)
My rant is about being a strong introvert and living with two strong extrovert.
I'm a late-twenties guy who lives in a very expensive city, and thus I have always had two roommates (having roommates is a necessity in this city). I've lived in a wonderful 3-bedroom apartment for three years, sharing the place with various roommates over the years who rent out the other two bedrooms. Fortunately, I have a ridiculously awesome deal on my bedroom (each bedroom is priced separately) and the landlord likes me and hasn't raised the rent in the three years I've been here. Also fortunately, most of my roommates have been considerate and mindful, regardless if they were introverted or not (although I've had mostly introverted roommates). If you haven't gotten the hint by now, I'm introverted (my MBTI is INFP, if you follow that sort of thing).
Haven't had problems with any roommates until a year ago. A year ago, a roommate moved out, so the remaining roommate (an introvert) and I both interviewed replacements. We found a girl who my other roommate felt was a great fit (my intuition suggested otherwise, but I saw how my roommate liked her), so we agreed to let her move in. Let's call her Jane. As many of us know...meeting someone once is never enough to truly know how they are, especially to live with. Turns out she's a pure extrovert who loves hosting parties, having friends over, talking/yelling/laughing loudly, stomping on our hardwood floors, slamming doors, keeping her door open with music on, etc. After a month, her extroverted nature revealed itself in full glory: she asked us if she could host a party. The other roommate and I agreed, because, well, we're nice. Despite Jane promising that it would end by 10 PM, I eventually came home at 12 or 1 AM (after avoiding the house all day) to almost a dozen drunk people, including a couple screaming in the bathroom. What the heck is going on?! I actually took initiative and insisted that someone go in and make sure everything's all right (and Jane finally did). Only when it was 3 AM when most of the guests had gone, and when she and a sole guest finally seemed to be asleep in her room, and when I was almost calm enough to fall asleep myself...the doorbell rang. It rang many times, because Jane and her guest couldn't hear it. I remember being incredibly frustrated. I just wanted to hide in my room; I didn't care who it was, especially if it was one of her friends. I hated this situation (and it was only the beginning). Finally, at some point, she woke up and let in the guest, I got out of my room to make sure she was safe (it was a male guest, and they were all drinking, after all), and after being assured so, I finally went back to my room to continue struggling to fall asleep.
As I mentioned, this was just the beginning. The gatherings continued periodically. Did I mention Jane's part of an improv group, and she decided that our apartment would be a great place to host their pow-wows? She never asked; she only gave the old "by the way, I'm going to have friends over but we'll be gone be x PM." You can imagine how much that fucking sucked to have loud-ass improv twentysomethings in your living room all evening. To my relief, the gatherings eventually toned down somewhat; the reason is that a few times, the landlord, who lived upstairs, texted all of us to quiet down (despite me having nothing to do with it). Despite this, all her other aggravating characteristics remained—the loud talking, the stomping, the smaller gatherings, the constant noise in the house. Living with her really, really, really, really sucked, but I'm a very giving person and I rationalized that she just wanted to do "normal" things like have friends over.
It got worse. Several months ago, very sadly, the introvert roommate had to move out for school. Shortly after, Jane told me she already had a replacement in mind—her BFF, who was another strong extrovert (I'd met him before. Oh, let's call him John). At that moment, I broke down a little inside and finally voiced myself; I told her, no, no, he's too loud, I really can't deal with all the loudness. She seemed taken aback and disappointed, and assured me he'll be quiet, that she'll make sure of it. So, I agreed, and he moved in. And, within about two weeks, he was hosting a very loud gathering that lasted all night until I texted him to tone it down at 3AM because I couldn't stand one girl loudly yelling a curse word over and over and over again.
It's been an absolute nightmare since Jane first moved in a year ago, and my stress levels have been the highest in my life. Beyond my living situation, my work stress was actually at an all-time high in 2015; it's been the kind of job where you're miserable and ponder quitting every day. So, after leaving the work stress during the day time, I then enter my home stress in the evening. I felt trapped. I lived in perpetual stress, and it's been utterly taxing on my mind and body. Previously calm and easygoing, I'm now agitated and on edge 99% of the time, even when it's quiet in the house. Previously only rarely experiencing headaches, I now experience recurring migraines that Tylenol barely helps. Sleeplessness night-after-night, canker sores one after the other, and an increase in my existing depression and anxiety. This was the most physically and mentally stressed I'd felt in my life.
If you're wondering if I've communicated my frustrations to them, I have, to an extent; I've prodded them and kindly expressed to them several times to keep the noise down, but they seem to quickly revert back to extrovert habits. They're not used to being considerate towards introverts (In fact, despite being a master's graduate from a prestigious university, the girl only recently gained insight on the concept of extrovert/introvert. It was a little shocking). They don't/can't understand where I'm coming from. It frustrates me that I strive to be mindful, and I live with people who don't know what the word means.
What also infuriates me is that I've lived in this apartment the longest, I have an awesome deal in an expensive city—and I feel forced to move out. All of my previous roommates had been great and considerate, especially the introverted ones. I loved living with them. Now, within a year, I've had two strong extroverts move in—two BFFs—and I feel as if I'm forced out.
Anyway, a bit of good news. After searching constantly, dozens of times a day, I've finally found my own studio. It'll be my first time ever living by myself. It's a tiny in-law studio, it's old, the kitchen is carpeted, and there's no oven—but I don't care. I just. Don't. Freaking. Care. Holy Jesus, man—my own place! Those of you who have your own place, you're probably used to the perks, but simply thinking about being in an entire space, by myself, knowing it's mine, knowing I can do whatever I want—I can play a song I like. Sing a song I like! Lie down for a half hour, an hour. Read, write. Feel inspired. I haven't felt inspired for a long time. I haven't felt peacefully happy in a long time.
When I started writing this at 11 PM, Jane was stomping back and forth down the hardwood hallway while talking on the phone, the noises echoing into my room. I'd already asked her in the past to take the conversation to her room, in the past; deaf ears, she possesses. Near midnight, she ended the phone call, and John came home, and they immediately started a loud conversation across the hallway—she at one end and he at the other. 12:12 AM now, and it's quiet. I can finally think.
Since they're in their rooms, there's no need to turn on my white noise machine tonight. I'm really, really looking forward to my own quiet space in two weeks. I'm trying to initiate the moving process earlier. I honestly might just disappear during the day and leave a kind note for my soon-to-be-former roommates—that's probably the best I can manage at this point.
(Thank you for reading.)