I've been following your posts across three different subreddits now, and the replies seem to be overwhelmingly similar, in that shes being really fucking awful.

Whats shes doing it NOT okay at all.

She is literally trying to manipulate you into a poly/open/3-way/whatever relationship with implications about how much you love her and how you can't stop her.

You seem to be posting this in a lot of places trying to get your head around it, maybe trying to rationalize and possibly even agree with what your wife is doing.

But in my eyes, shes already started an emotional affair with another man, and now is trying to convince you to let her go be with him to.

You've said yourself she doesnt want poly/nonm/open. She just wants another man, who she already made an emotional attachment/bond with, without your consent or knowledge. Now shes working backwards trying to twist you into agreeing to it after its already happened.

You've obviously not okay with it, but she keeps trying to sway with with words about emotional love and books etc etc.

I'm not saying divorce her, but you need to define the terms that you're comfortable with. She cant just decide to change the status quo and then say you're putting restrictions on her after the fact. She agreed to a monogamous relationship when she married you, and if you want it to stay that way, you're in no way being selfish, or in the wrong at all.

This is all entirely new for her too, If just seeing this man on a trip gave her such strong feelings that she felt she could risk your marriage over it, then whats to say those feelings won't grow immeasurably after you give her free reign to go be with him.

Successful relationships with more than two people dont go like this, partners discuss and decide first, then go outside and explore. This is so backwards i cant even begin to explain.

Its very clear that you dont want her to be with this man. I cant see that changing unless you forces/emotionally blackmails you into agreeing and you'll end up regretting it forever.

Also, It almost sounds like she's made up her mind. What happens if you say no? She does it anyway? Then What? If she 'wants to be with you forever' will she respect your choice and continue you honor your monogamous marriage?