Hey man, I can relate to how you feel, too. I'm 23 and recently (I don't know, 3 weeks ago?) broke up with my ex of two years. I'm still living with her.

She was my first and only girlfriend so far. And at the moment, I know she is banging this new dude she met week before we broke up. After our break up, she suddenly started treating me really cold, not actually giving a damn about my depression which had gotten worse couple months back. She still wants to be friends but isn't showing that much emotions about this whole situation. She does have her own issues that need to be sorted out in her lifetime, but it hurts like fuck when you're the one expressing emotions to her and would really like to be her friend still, but getting real harsh coldness back just makes me think is it worth it. She did treat me like shit in our relationship and is one of the main causes for my depression, but I still loved her and she loved me.

I don't feel like I have many, or any, real friends out there who actually cares how am I dealing with all of this. No one reaches out to me. There was one time just after the break up when both my and my ex's good friend asked me first how I felt about the break up. My ex was all like "Oh she is choosing you over me, that's not happening!", called her and demanded to her to give an answer which one of us would she choose. Obviously she chose my ex under the pressure, and haven't heard from her since (or at least she hasn't asked how I'm doing). My ex says that it's all just a joke, but I don't see it as one.

I have thought (and still do) about killing myself, and had actually written down some suicide notes and planned the whole thing in my mind (was supposed to do it at the end of this week, but not sure now, might still go for it). I've also started cutting again. But what got me thinking twice about offing myself was that I just mentioned it to one of "friends" who I'd have never thought of telling about it. Laying it out there might just help. People do care. I know I do.

You will find someone, probably, better than this Hanna. Your love of your life is waiting out there, even if it doesn't feel like it. Meeting someone new who is good for you usually happens when you least expect it. I know who am I saying this, but it's what my mom told me, and also my ex.

Take it one day at a time, write a suicide or two if you feel like it. Do anything that makes you feel even slightly better. But please, don't kill yourself. I know it's annoying as fuck to say that you're still so young and you shouldn't throw your life away, but it's true - it'll all get better.