My entire life I'd been mostly single. I had a few situationships and casual things, but nothing ever became serious. I just couldn't find it. True compatibility with someone GOOD. Just over and over: ghostings, players, guys that were obsessed with me for 3 months and then just vanished. I guarded my heart but kept trying. I grew disheartened. I decided to just live life with the belief I'd probably be single for most of it. I moved abroad, traveled a ton, got a Master's degree, and became a full-ass adult with the idea that I was destined to a life of solitude. My friends got married, had kids, hopped from long term to long term. I was content in my life, I really was happy, but I was also sad that there seemed to be this romantic part of life that seemed off limits. But I also knew that I didn't want to have the types of relationship I saw so many others have, where there wasn't a sense of security, or home. That one party seemed to sacrifice just so they wouldn't be alone.
At 32, I tried FacebookDating for the first time. I had been on alllll the other apps for YEARS. Immediately swiped right on someone. I wasn't going to because he and I have an age difference and it freaked me out. But I did. I guess I got to a point where I was willing to try anything. From the get go, he was different. The effort he put into even our first date was unparalleled with any other man in my past. We clicked immediately, we shared similar political views, life views, religious views. While I sort of have exes, he is my first real, committed relationship. We've been together for about a year and a half and we live together. He is the love I never thought I'd experience.
I don't know, on one hand, don't give up. Take a chance on someone who may be initially not your ideal (I never thought I'd date a younger man). Keep putting yourself out there. But until then, love yourself and find your own fulfillment and adventure.
If this ends, I know I'll be okay. And I probably won't worry about finding it again. I know from experience how shitty dating is these days. For someone soft hearted, it's hell. It took so long to find someone who treats me the way I always dreamed I'd be treated. And someone who could reciprocate the love that I can give.