You

taught me a lot about what to expect. Where to look, what to say, how to be -

and I mean it when I tell you you're one of the best people I've ever known.

You stop for strangers. You defend everyone, for the right reasons, in the right way. You work hard, and your spirit matches mine for adventure, and you were the kindest person I had ever met, and people would meet you and see you just how I saw you which was - amazing.

and when I met your best friend, and he elbowed you and said, isn't she too pretty to be with a guy like you? and you looked at me and put your hand on my forehead and said, "yeah, I think she might be sick."

and he hadn't meant you to take him seriously, but you did, because he was, and on one of your weaker nights you asked me why a girl like me - your favourite phrase - wanted to be with a guy like you - your other favourite phrase, and I smiled and said that I was attracted to the way you made me laugh, and the way you described your passions, and the way you spoke your mind, and the way you made me a part of something, and I kept going until you got embarrassed and turned out the light.

and you knew so many things about me, and my quirky little life, and you asked me of everything that happened what was the most unexpected and I didn't know the answer, but I loved the question.

and you prided yourself on how you didn't make me feel like I needed to wear make up, but you never took a closer look to see that calculated rigorous routine was the only reason my skin wasn't like the skin of the girl at the supermarket you nicknamed clown face.

and then I started to notice how you treated the used-to-be-mes, the ones whose thighs were bigger, and whose faces always seemed flushed, and whose stomachs had layers, and who didn't need anyone's arms to keep them warm, and you weren't cruel, you were never cruel, but they were invisible and their thoughts were secondary and somehow everything they said could be twisted to be bossy, or lazy, or unworthy.

and I started to wonder if you knew that the character's you admired wouldn't like you if you met them.

and I was too sensitive for not laughing, and it wasn't as bigger deal as I felt it was, and I told you it was okay to be attracted to what you were attracted too, but if that's was all it was, why weren't they even your friends, and you didn't know, but the more I saw the more I knew, but I also knew you couldn't help it and it wasn't calculated and you were still good you just

and then I realised that if you had met me only a year before you did, you would not have given me the same chance I had given you.

He joked that he would steal me away because he knew guys like you, and I was only just beginning to understand what he meant, and my mother told me I expected too much, and I decided in the least bitter, disenchanted way I could that if you were the best of men then I would be brighter, and love the world harder, without one.

and you thought it was because of him, and I had to gather up courage to tell you it was because of you, and you said you'd never find someone like me again, and I asked if you meant the way I made you laugh, and the way I described my passions, and the way I spoke my mind, and the way I made you part of something, or if you meant the way I kept my body, and the way I liked my hair, and the way my lips looked in red, and the way I needed your arms to keep me warm.

And you didn't know the answer, so I just smiled and told you it was fine. We'd be okay.

and so you turned me into a song, and we laughed until it hurt when we heard it because the lines showed that you still, still, didn't understand.

and people told me he's not like you at all, he's was too much like a wolf, but I never minded, because I found that I had always been one too, I just never notice because I was always dressed in the wool over my eyes.

and still, even though I couldn't help you to understand you will always have my thanks because now, when he asks me what the most unexpected thing to happen to me was, I'll get to say:

You.