Dr. Knossos was adamant. "If you dream again-if-it will be tonight. Then no more."
I said nothing.
He put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Hey, chin up, Ryan. We don't need dreams to live. Least you'll sleep better, yeah?"
That night, I saw her, again. Biking through the mud in Wannian, desperate legs being pushed beyond what they could bare. Mother, father and sister following, their pants and skirts covered in gunk, screaming, begging her to stop.
A flash. She sat at a desk, immersed in a book. This was the University in Nanjing, where a scholarship was all that kept her off the streets. She turned her head left, towards me, smiling.
Now she was asleep in a stuffy, cramped, economy fuselage. She barely stood high as my stomach, yet still lacked for legroom. How she always slept so well, I never figured out, myself.
The University, here in Melbourne. She's drinking tea by herself on a bench. This was it, this was when we met. I watch myself shake her hand. Ni hao. That was the extent of my Chinese, at the time. She replies in Chinese, my face goes red. She laughs.
Two years later. Our first hug. Quite a while, yes. I watch from behind my own back, seeing the tears streaming down her face that I never noticed during the moment itself for the thousandth time.
Her return to her village, and my first visit. Her parents' cautious approach towards me, seemingly struck with something between wonder and shame.
The curious traditional wedding that they would never have agreed to if I hadn't taken those Chinese classes back home.
Back in Melbourne, our first argument. "I'm stuck between two worlds." She breaks down.
Another day. I'm home from work late, and she's already dozing off. She was always a deep and early sleeper. I get in beside her, taking her hand in mine. It's cold. Immediately, I glance toward the bedside dresser. Pills.
Suddenly, I'm being pulled up through a dark, swirling whirlpool. For the first time in this dream, I'm in control of my body. I try to swim down, pushing as hard as a teenager fleeing her arranged marriage. I want to go back. I need to go back. Please. Don't take her from me.
I wake up. Always exactly on time.
At least I'll sleep better.