I hit my head one time! One damn time and I'm the laughing stock of the Death Star. Every time I walk through a doorway people always shout, "Watch your head," like it's original. Like they came up with the joke for the first time in history.

We were going to have Solo and his dangerous rebels. I kept it professional, but my squad was laughing so hard they couldn't hit the broadside of a bunker. Naturally, that was my fault too!

Now I'm called bucket head everywhere I go. My helmet has a giant black mark on it from where I banged it, and even the U.D.D (Uniform Development Department) think it's hilarious. They won't replace my helmet so I'm stuck with this stupid mark.

But the worst--the worst! Happened this morning. I got in an elevator and Lord Vader walked in. I gave him my best salute and proud to get this moment to be near our fearless leader.

When I stepped out of the elevator I heard him say in that creepy breathing apparatus, "Watch your head."

I never knew Lord Vader could snicker, but I know that's what it was as the doors shut leaving me stunned.

I would get off this stupid ship if I didn't know it was the safest place to be. At least I didn't have to worry about that.