I wanna be the ghost instead.
"This morning is going to be different, I've got it alll planned out."
Eddie was, a former assistant to the stars who had passed on when Charlie Sheen got clean and threw all his coke in the toilet, forgetting to flush thus setting in motion Eddies unfortunate demise. Sheen owned a Pitbull, Menace. Menace was thirsty and naturally headed to the now $8000 toilet and got to drinking, and drinking.. And drinking.
Eddie arrived and unlocked the door with his personal assistant key. A few steps in the door and BAM! I won't get into the details but it's whispered all over Hollywood now that if you really want someone dead, give them a Pitbull that's just drank an ounce of blow.
But I digress.
Eddie had been living with Shawn for about a month now. He was supposed to be making his life awful but so far has only made it better. In fact, Shawn didn't even know he was there. Today though, today was a big day. Shawn had an interview this morning with the company he'd dreamed of working for since high school and Eddie was ready to scare the shit out him!
Let me step back. Ghosts can't really do much. Dropping the temperature in a room, rattling some blinds, moving light things around and voicing things the are almost never heard and when they are it's so light the person thinks it's their own thoughts most of the time. Electronics can pick up their voices but not enough to understand. Eddie knew this well. The only thing he had managed to do is turn on Shawns voice activated Echo named Alexa. It always said the same thing "I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question." No, ghosts are in the minors. Poltergeists are the real danger but that's neither here nor there.
Ed waited in the closet, ready to rip all the clothes off their hangers the moment the door slid open.
"He'll be getting up in just a few minutes!" Eddie thought "I can't wait to scare the fuck out of this guy! Wow, that's a nice suit... Damn, look at this thing." Ed was after all, in charge of making people look great and as they say old habits die hard. Very hard apparently.
After pushing back the hangers around the suit to admire it he noticed something else. "Oh... this shirt would look great with that!" he thought as his he pushed the hangers away from that as well, using up more of a finite amount of energy he is allotted by the gods to interact with physical objects everyday. Just then the door slid open, scarring the hell out of Eddie. He had been so wrapped up in his old life he had missed his chance and in the process let himself be spooked by a human. Eddie is not a good ghost.
Peering into the closet Shawn saw a shirt and suit hanging, separated from everything else and standing out like the sun at midnight.
"That'll look okay together.." Shawn said directly to Eddies face unknowingly.
"NO! NO! NO!" Eddie screamed. You see, Shawn could barely dress himself. He had absolutely zero sense of style or what kind of clothing was appropriate for different situations. The kind of guy that wears a hoodie, shorts, tube socks and sandals to a funeral. The kind of guy that was going to sink his interview before he even opened his mouth, but not today. All thanks to Eddie...
After getting dressed and noticing that he looked a lot like the kind of people you see walking down the red carpet he headed to the kitchen where Eddie was waiting, ready for the next (first) attack.
"He's all outa coffee and he doesn't even know it! God, this guy is dumb. When he opens up the cabinet looking for more I'm going to blow every damn thing in it right into face! Oh yeah... Oh yeah."
As Shawn stepped into the kitchen and towards his coffee maker he saw that the K-Cup dispenser was empty. His heart sank. Shawn was as addicted to caffeine as that one actor used to be to coke. Standing in front of the empty dispenser, looking at it for far longer than anyone should, he decided to check the cabinet.
Shawn has never stored coffee in that cabinet. Not once. But every-single-time he runs out he opens it up to take a quick peek, just in case. Shawn isn't all that bright. As his fingers pulled on the handle Eddie struck.
Swinging is astral arm through the shelf with everything he had, Ed could envision the terror that was about to unfold. But nothing happened. Well, almost nothing. Eddie had used up almost all of his energy clothes shopping in the closet. He only had a little bit left, just enough to snag the lightest thing in the entire cabinet and drag it to the front. A single K-Cup Shawn had tossed onto the top shelf, all the way in the back and out of view, when he was drunk months ago. Why? Because Shawn.
As Shawn pulled the door open the K-Cup rolled out and landed on the counter. "Oh, thank god."
"NO GOD DAMN WAY! COME ON!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT!!!" Eddie screamed on deaf ears.
As Shawn tied his shoes and got up to walk out the door Eddie snapped. Right as he placed his hand on the doorknob Eddie attacked him. He tried to attack him I should say, falling right through his victim and landing on the floor. It didn't go completely unnoticed though. The sudden feeling of Eddie falling though him gave Shawn a chill. He hadn't checked the weather report or even looked out the window all morning. Peaking out, he saw a slight drizzle but it looked like it would get worse.
"I'd better take this." He said as he pulled an umbrella out of the closet and walked out the door.
Eddie, alone and distraught looked up at the ceiling and wailed "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME GOD?!?"
"I'm sorry, I don't understand the question."
"Shut the fuck up, Alexa.."