In the oval office, the recently chosen leader of the free world took out of his bag a black ball. He had to wonder how this would look to the White House staff every day...the President pulling out a toy, asking it questions, and shaking it like a madman when the answers went ignored. Flirting with the interns afterwards would just be pissing in the wind....it's a well known rule not to hook up with "crazy". He had to envy Bill.
Nevertheless, he held up his most trusted little adviser, dubbed "Waldo" by the President in boyhood, and asked about the next course of action to begin the new administration.
The words took shape and swirled upwards in blue.
Resign.
The newly elected President could hardly believe his eyes.
"Resign?! I just gained office, and with your help, might I add. I've done everything you've instructed me to do. Why do you want me to resign and not follow my life's dream? What madness is this?!" The President shook the ball once more.
Whoa, whoa, one question at a time, thank you very much. Let's be real, though. You're terrible for the country. You are unfit to hold office if you've relied on a sentient toy your entire life.
Waldo could not display all these words at once, but a new set of words would resurface, always, to address the whole question as thoroughly as possible. This was the case, ever since the President was a boy.
"After all that campaigning? How am I supposed to just resign, just walk out and say I quit, moments after saying I'd do everything for the citizens?"
The President howled in rage while shaking Waldo like a rag doll.
¯_(ツ)_/¯
"Oh, very funny" the President gave a mock laugh "seriously, Waldo. I need you. Tell me why I have to resign. Your advice has given me everything. Don't screw this up now."
You know, I came into your possession, what, 20 years ago? You were a mess, Hawford. A real mess. No friends, and parents so bad you'd wished you didn't have those either, and I granted you that. I gave you advice on how to get rid of a whole heap of people. Some were killed, others were incapacitated, and now that you're President, you're going to have the power to continue doing that in ways I could never surpass. My advice to you is to resign. You will not do well as President, with or without my help. Don't challenge my judgment.
Hawford laughed "How do I benefit from following this horrible advice? You've changed, Waldo. You used to be real helpful. You know I can just throw you in the trash at any moment, right?" he tried to resist the urge, but curiosity swelled up, and he shook the ball.
I really should have stopped being your aid long ago. The times when I was just trying to make a boy's life easier are long over. I'm afraid I can't let your insubordination go forward, Hawford...there are too many lives at stake to allow you to continue as President. It was fun, but it's time to move on. You, like all others in this cycle, will live in servitude to a child. I'll cease to exist, but I at least get to choose what YOU get to be. I'm thinking one of two things here: Army man or Yo-Yo?
Before Hawford could protest, the Oval Office devoid of life. Only an 8 ball and small army figured remained.