You know, Jeff, I don't think my life has any stories, and I am right. It's the way I tell stories, but fuck it, here goes.
I was just about to graduate with my degree, I had no job prospects, no girlfriend, no pets, nothing. Much the same as now.
This older gentlemen, lets call him Doug, cause his name was Doug. Doug was a very...delicate man. He's the type that clearly has money. He clearly is smarter than you. He's the type that is very straight forward, very honest, while also being very shy at the same time.
I worked in an upscale bar/restaurant. We had no TV's and we played classical music on a dim level. Doug would come in, and take an entire 8-top to himself. An 8-top means 8 seats, incase you didn't know.
Doug wouldn't look at the menu. Ever. Even the first time I meet him. The conversation is almost exactly is as follows;
"Welcome to the brick, my name is Justin, what kind of drink are we thinking about today?"
"I'll have a bottle of wine. Thanks."
"Ok sir, any particular wine?"
"Whatever is a new arrival, preferably from napa, and doesn't cost less than $100."
"Red wine or white sir?"
"Just get me a bottle of wine. THank You." As he looks back into his book. It was not a novel or anything of that sort. It was a text book. I knew it was a text book, because I had the same text book.
Doug was clearly miserable. He was looking for an escape. I was glad to oblige.
Doug gets his wine, 2 hours go by, the wine is gone and Doug just raises his glass. I come over as requested, "Yes sir?"
"Another."
"Same thing?"
"It was good. Yes. I like you." Doug says.
Sure, who am I, this guy clearly isn't drunk to the point I need to ask him to leave, and the glasses we use, it's only been about 3 glasses of wine actually.
Present him the wine. Pour his first glass, go back behind the bar.
Doug apparently finishes the book, he just stands up and leaves. No word, no asking for the check, no nothing. I sprint out from behind the bar, "This guy just robbed me out of $300 in wine!!"
Jolting passed the table he was at, there was some bills there. It looked as if it was a stack of ones. This guy just left me $25 for 300 in wine. What an absolute fuck. I get out the front door, he's gone. Can't see him. Whatever, shit happens, boss will see on the camera he just up and left and I did nothing wrong.
So I called the boss man over, "Look man, he just up and left! I thought I was being decent to him and leaving him alone while he was reading!!"
Boss man replies, "You checked the table?"
"Well I looked at it when I was running out after him!!"
"Ok, I'll go check the camera, don't touch the table until I come back."
"Yes sir," I respond.
Bossman walks back up and I ask, "So??"
He responds a stern, "You checked the table?"
"I didn't check it, I looked at it as I was chasing him. So no, not thoroughly."
"Ok" He says as he walks to the table and investigates the scene. He's digging around for quite awhile. I am clearly getting nervous that I would be on the hook for $300 in wine. I can catch a glimpse of Mike (bossman) grinning.
Mike was the kind of guy that pleasure out of firing people, I knew I was done.
Mike walks over with the stack of ones. I knew it. That motherfucker. Fucking Doug. Fuck you Doug.
Mike comes over infront of the bar as if he was a customer. Throws $12 in one dollar bills down and says, verbatim, "You really did it Justin, I don't know have any other choice."
I start to apologize, as I walk to the POS to clock out... Mike chimes in..
"I have no choice but to give you what Doug left." as he starts counting the money. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Five hundred. One, Two, Three, Four...Twelve. Five hundred and twelve bucks. Does that cover his bill?" Mike asks.
I spin around so got-damned fast my head is spinning, "I'm sorry?"
"Doug left $512, what was his bill?"
"Uhhmm, let me look... it's $318.28, but I was going to take the soda and chips off.... so like $310ish?"
Mike laughs. Mike laughs hysterically. Mike looks at me dead in the eye... "that's Doug. I know if you're good by what he leaves, if you're shit, he will leave exact change."