A particular favourite:
Things My Girlfriend Discovered In London (transcribed):
British food is fucking terrible. America gets a lot of shit for having fast food, but holy crap it's like Britain saw a Big Mac on the floor of a McDonald's and said, "No, we can do worse. That's too high of quality." Seriously, what is that brown shit you people put on things? You guys even found a way to make Chipotle suck too. The ONLY fast food that tasted somewhat decent was Fish'n Chips, and that had the pallet variety of paper glue.
Everything closes at 5pm. Sure, America might struggle with monsters like Wal Mart, but at least we can buy a pack of tampons at 9pm.
There's no recycling anywhere. British people spit on Americans for being unaware of the environment. In Minnesota we have a recycling bin next to every trash bin. Londoners are too fucking lazy to care.
Everyone smokes. And they're snooty about it.
Everyone is emotionally stunted and closed off. I seriously had to slap a guy in the crotch with a newspaper to get him to move out of the way because he wanted to pretend I didn't exist rather than give me more space on the Tube.
London really is the most expensive place to live in the world. I worked for a world class marketing firm with clients like Redbull. And even my BOSSES were living paycheck to paycheck because rent was so damn terrible.
Londoners aren't dressed well. They just dress expensively. And in all black.
Your tourist sites suck. Fantastic, Buckingham Palace. All I can do is look on from the street. Oooh, look, Stonehenge. It's covered in trash and shit. Ooohhh, the London Tube. It's covered in trash and shit. Oooh, the London Eye. It's got a humongous line. And it's covered in trash. And shit.
British people have terrible teeth--for real--because the National Health Service made them spoiled and entitled. Since dental isn't covered by free insurance NO ONE uses it. Boo-fucking-hoo, you had to pay 100 pounds to get a tooth fixed. Come to America were you get your life and credit ruined for breaking your ankle.
British people are RIDICULOUSLY snobby about politics. Why don't you guys stop your politicians from raping children or trying to ban pornography or subjugating Scotland before you bitch about all our problems. You guys are so starved for interesting political news that you have to come to the US to get it and then you interrogate me on a Monday at the office, as if I represent the ENTIRETY of my country of 320,000,000 Americans.
Because a trip to London will tell you all.