Get your shit together Cheryl

Cheryl had a vacant stare as she poured her morning coffee. Her thoughts, of which she was generally the center, drifted to her parents this particular morning. "Why the fuck couldn't they have just named me Amy, or Stephanie, or any other name..." she thought.

She sighed and took a final sip of her coffee and yelled up to her only daughter to hurry up or she'd be late for school. The expressway was a bit backed up this particular morning and Cheryl could see the flashing lights off about a half mile up from where she was. She was in the left lane while the other cars had started to merge right, as it was clear the cars involved in the accident had pulled off on the left shoulder. She ignored the soft voice in her head that told her to do the same and rode the left lane until she was about 10 feet from the accident, and forced her way over two lanes, and exited the expressway.

Just then, she realized that she needed to pick up some laxatives (and some other things) at the grocery store. Her constipation had been particularly bothersome the last few days and she desperately needed the sweet relief of a giant shit. Pulling into the grocery store parking lot, she saw an elderly woman with her turn signal on, waiting for another car to vacate a juicy spot right near the store's entrance. Cheryl avoided eye contact as she aggressively turned the wheel and took the spot.

A few minutes later, as a shopping cart rolled into the woman's car who had been waiting for that juicy spot, they were nearing the school. This school, like many others had a drop-off loop in the front. She pulled into the loop and stopped a quarter of the way up. Several other cars were lining up behind her, and ahead, the pavement was void of anything resembling a vehicle. With the gentle beeps of the cars behind her, Cheryl looked at her daughter in the front seat. She sighed as her daughter stared blankly out the window for a second. She opened the door, put her backpack on, and turned back. "See you after school Mom", she said and turned away. "Ok.", she said and put the car in drive. "Have fun today Cheryl", she said as she drove away.

/r/funny Thread Link - imgur.com