Ok, I can give some insight into the behaviour (cleaning etc) as my mother would do that, then when I cooked for myself and cleaned my own stuff, it was never good enough, or if there was no way she could claim I did a crappy job, she had done X so much more than me.
Her job is being a housewife and she's the person who refuses to let anyone else know her job, because the second they find out they won't bother asking her to do it, as it's easier to do it themselves. So she will sabotage whenever she can and heap all the fear and guilt she can onto him.
The whole burrito thing, she wanted something to go off about and was looking for anything. That he slightly bumped her was all she needed and throwing the burrito into the sink was making it inedible, so she could claim he made sure she couldn't eat and was hungry.
The throwing stuff out and reorganising everything is just like a dog marking its territory. She probably has whims and decides he's not to have something and will toss it, as it's POWER. What's his isn't his, it's her's to decide if he can have it.
When you guys get more serious, the real shit-show will start.
I'd be very concerned about her having control of his finances, documents, taxes, passwords, phone account (I bet he's on her plan), and everything else.
You realise the purposely keeping him infantalised so he has no skills to live on his own is an intentional tactic. You will have to get him to move in with you and there's a million and one roadblocks to that she can throw up easily.
As for seeing she's emotionally abusive, she would think of it as "domineering" or "strong willed" and the second FH stands up to her she will melt into a puddle of tears saying she is just trying to do the best for him and loves him. Then she'll rage once he's sorry about making her cry, then cry - wash and repeat.
Once you are living together, I'd strongly discourage the daily hour/s long phone calls which will leave him an emotional mess for you to clean up. I had an ex like that and it was so draining. Every day she would recount the days events to her mother, be berated in some way, then come to me and complain about her mother for about the same time she was on the phone.
You have a long road ahead, your fella is lucky he has you.