I definitely understand the talking at her vs. with her thing, as I've thought about the same thing and have tried. We have been able to talk about her interests in life, what she wants to be in the future, just ordinary conversation (which is hard to come by) and my mother and the future of her illness and I thought it was a beneficial until she all but shut me out the next day and goes right back to using my mother as a gateway instead of a mother. She also truly doesn't care about me and my interests, so the conversations are completely one-sided, which I'm okay with since it's something, but we just can't seem to get her interested in anything unless it is promoted by her friends.

Talking with my mother about serious situations recently has been near impossible. She's sort of gone into an autopilot mode where she can't seem to entertain high level thought. We've talked to her about this and she's able to get across that she feels trapped inside her own body, unable to express her true thoughts due to being stuck in a fog. This really sucks because interaction with her is getting more difficult, but we work with her as best as we can. I have talked with her though and as far as I can tell she cannot understand my sister's behavior and tries to blame herself, but I never allow that.

And as for me talking to a professional, I have talked to my school counselor/psychologist. He really only acknowledged that a situation does exist and has reinforced that communication is the key here, so my family tries to keep communication going as much as possible. I have also gone to my dad's psychologist with him and it was much of the same talk. I have not seen the one that they all go see due to my work (which is not a good excuse) and the long wait between appointments.