21 year old virgin needs advice

24-year-old virgin here. Never dated/kissed a girl, so I feel some of your pain, but I've managed to get along with most girls (coworkers, mutual friends, etc.) simply by treating them like people. Some I treat like family, some I treat like one of the guys. I'm short with a baby face, so men and women see me as little brothers, which is why romantic interest never got to people's heads when looking at me. I have social anxiety, too, but honestly, the whole "fake confidence till you make it" worked out for me.

"Hopefully still attractive" is where your problem is, unfortunately. Don't get me wrong—I still would love sharing my life with someone who's so cute she gives me gas, too, but it seems like you're still in the mindset (as all of us early 20's guys/girls are) that conventionally attractive girlfriends mean successful girlfriends. What about their character? We all grow old. Not every woman is Helen Mirren. The older we get (and I find this relevant for women I know, too), the more we simply love great company. But you're young, so by all means, prioritize looks if it feels right. Just know in the back of your mind that you'll learn to suppress the primal need.

The GOOD news is that you're only a student. What are you studying? Once I got an office job or exposed myself to the city (I live with my parents, but I work in the city) is when I realized just how...human...humans are. I've worked with women of all ages, and funnily enough, since they're forced to work with you, it gives you the chance to get to know people professionally—to network. In your twenties, it's all about networking. The people you're interested in start to change (friendships and romantically). Maybe you wanted a shy girl at first, but later you'll be intrigued to find the polar opposite who might bring out some party in you.

So here's my advice: Do you have hobbies/interest? If you're nerdy like I am, would you be down to maybe attend a convention? Make a group of friends there? Are there events for school that you could slide into? No one gets positive energy when it's obvious that you feel socially unappreciated (I save that for occasional nights when I just yell into my pillow and sigh myself to sleep), so I personally like to begin by just asking people a shitload of questions and smile if I feel I can't contribute to group cirlces. I usually end up being remembered by these people because I was so interested (don't fake being interested, mind you), and that eventually develops into friendship.

I know it sucks, but it might not be best to FOCUS on relationships if you hardly interact with women right now. Would you even be ready to date a woman without knowing how to handle a feminine presence? You have every right to daydream, every right to whack off if you have to, but please, try and get a feel of pure platonic connections first. Otherwise, you'll end up like one of those guys who say words like "females" and "bikini girls" (lighthearted joke).

I believe in you, dude. So long as you're still breathing, you've still got words waiting to be said to potential friends and lovers.

/r/dating_advice Thread