I think there is a difference between you and her tho. She says it’s gross, you say you just don’t want to. Her attitude towards it is negative whereas for you it’s a firm boundary.

I used to think it was gross because in porn you have someone vigorously humping your face! But it’s not like that, it’s intimate and personal. I enjoy it now because I understand more of it.

My attitude towards oral sex is negative as well. I am just able to politely explain my side without using certain words to describe the act. I know people do things I am not comfortable with and I am 100% okay with that. I don't pretend to be some wise mountain seer sitting in a cave saying, "Oral is like a flower, some people have allergies and don't want to hang out in a field of penis-flora."

I think we are hearing Op's narrative of this. He feels used because he gives oral. He feels rejected because his girlfriend isn't giving him answers he finds acceptable. He also said this was her first relationship. So it could very well be that she said no, he kept pressing, and she said she found the idea of oral disgusting.

Which is also how I feel. I just know better than to tell someone their genitals are "gross." I think with time, people learn how to better phrase things. But if this girl has never had to explain why she doesn't want to do oral, she likely doesn't know how you phrase it in a relationship. I mean, the conversation should have stopped at "I don't do oral."

I have had similar conversations with people. I am sure, at 22, a lot of people viewed my answer as immature because it's not the norm to not do oral. Even if you dislike it, most people still do it to please their partner. Not a lot of people, I personally no, have told their partners no to oral.

My first relationship had a conversation about oral and it didn't go well either. Telling someone you find the idea of oral to be gross and not sexy isn't something people want to hear.