I'm working through this at the moment and its been tricky but for both me and my boyfriend but its getting better. For me the behaviour was/is due to ridiculously high anxiety about what would happen if I wasn't good enough to the people I loved. It came to a head when we were having sex once and it became uncomfortable and painful to the point of me wanting to stop and despite how much effort he put into making sure I felt safe, into making sure I always had a way out, into making sure I never felt pressured into anything. I didn't say or do anything to stop it or signal to him anything. I'm an honest person by nature and I couldn't bare not telling him after and it kinda made us both break down. He felt awful and I felt awful for making him that way.

Its not an experience I want you guys to go through on account it sucks to be in a situation where one person refuses to revoke consent or refuses to not give their consent in any situation regardless of how they feel. Both in the bedroom and in life. I know I felt like I'd happily give my everything to the people I loved until I was in a place where I couldn't lest I hurt myself and inevitably did due to my fears.

I don't have any advice really on account we can't afford therapy as of yet but I can tell you what helped me. Weirdly enough, the thing that helped me most was being coaxed into being a bit more independent. By this I mean having a talk about indulging in my own wants and needs in life and slowly realizing I didn't have alot outside my relationship. Asking for something I want or refusing my boyfriend outright makes him beam and the praise from it fills me up with something really nice. I don't know why I always expected to be scolded for doing so, being shown over and over that being my own person is not going to result in me being chastised and ridiculed helps me unlearn what I have from my past experiences.

We're still gonna go to therapy though, on account I don't know if this is actually a good thing or if we should be breaching the problem from a diffrent angle. I wish you both the best!