Thanks for the update & info. Another question: does your husband talk about feelings? Does he tend to sweep issues under the rug with you? The reason I ask is that your husbands failure to stand up for you and being somewhat fearful of his father, has its roots somewhere. Most certainly in childhood, most likely before he was 4 years old, but almost definitely by 11 years old. This trait is a nervous system response. Based on the extremely limited info, there’s a good chance it was caused by Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).

CEN is where he may have been able to talk to his parents about most things, except anything to do with “feelings”. The easiest way to explain emotional neglect is…. Suppose a child got bullied at school. When they come home and it’s not safe to talk about “feelings”, they will have to process their “feelings” on their own. This is emotional neglect. They may lock themselves in their room and try to process these complex feelings that they don’t know how to process. This leads on to developing self-reliance and in adulthood and will feel that they have to do everything by themselves. CEN is a broad subject, but something is preventing him standing up for himself.