I'm not sure why OP is getting such a bad rap here. He is clearly aware of the attitude shift and seeking advice for how to change. Pointing out that he is failing as a father is not constructive advice. Based on some of these replies, I can't help but wonder if they are teenagers themselves, not parents. The top comment assumes that the weekly meetings are just a 'this is how you suck' lecture. Where was that implied? And frankly, it doesn't matter if the son dislikes them. He is living in his parents home, and he is responsible for his behavior. Sounds to me like the son is avoiding responsibility & repercussions.

OP does not have to accept this behavior because it's 'typical teenage behavior.' Typical or not, the son still needs to take responsibility. He's 18, not 10. He is fully capable of cleaning up a spill.

The issue, as I see it, is that the son is rarely around and the majority of their interactions are based around these issues. I wouldn't let those go as a parent either. But I second the advice of some others here - working on developing a shared relationship, shared activities, etc. I think that could go a long way toward seeing him in a different light (assuming the son is willing). For your part, OP, you can also work on letting go of the cumulative resentment toward your son's indiscretions. Discipline where necessary (whatever that may look like to you), and in between, focus on building a relationship with him.

I was once advised to make a list about a person in my life - what I liked and I disliked about them. Then rip the dislike list up and focus only on the good. Sounds cheesy, but I think it's in our nature to be more aware of whatever it is we're focusing on.